Supposing Flight

My Dad is an alien from another dimension. Which is how I got my superpowers.

No, really.

Actually I got my superpowers from an artifact that I found while I was exploring an alien spaceship. Which was parked in our garage.

No, Really!

My Dad taught me that word “artifact” and what it means. Space scientists stole it from archaeologists – you know, those Egyptian mummy guys? But it means the same thing to both of them – it means an object made some time or somewhere else. Like for the Egyptian mummy guys it might be a jar full of brains that was buried with a Pharaoh. But for space guys it would be a transformer or a star map or something cool like that.

What I found was a roll of toilet paper. Well, that’s what it looks like but aliens probably don’t use toilet paper. I mean, my Dad does but he’s in human form right now so he has to act like a human. And we all use toilet paper, right? Except maybe if you are on a camping trip in the woods and then you can use leaves or something only not poison ivy because ugh! gross! can you imagine how awful it would be if you got poison ivy all over your butt…..Sam? Sam – are you even listening to me?

“Yes of course I am. Poison Ivy. Butts. Interesting story.”

No, Sam – Aliens! My Dad is an Alien from another dimension and I just found out!

“I’ve always thought your father was a little …..different. Space alien, hmmmm?”

Well, not exactly. I mean, not really outer space kind of aliens. But anyway – here’s the important part – my Dad taught me how to use the artifact to fly!

“Fly? Your father taught you how to fly?”

He did, Sam, he did! See you take this stuff – and you start here in the center of your chest and you wrap it around and down your arm and then across your back and down the other arm….are you watching, Sam?

“Watching! Yes, yes of course I am. Down the other arm you say?”

Yes – and then around and around the rest of your body until you get to the legs and then……..and then……hmmmm. Which leg do I wrap first Sam? Do you remember?

“Me? How would I remember? You said your father taught YOU.”

Yeah, but you were there, remember? You were sitting on my bed, right next to Blue Bunny. Remember?

“Sorry. Not really. Try the right leg first.”

Darn it! If I had known that my Dad was going to be gone for so long I might have paid more attention. But I did the best I could and kept wrapping until I used up the whole role of magic flying artifact stuff. Then I climbed up three porch steps and jumped off, waving my arms in the air. And I FLEW! It was like – it was like —- I guess it was like jumping off the porch steps. I landed flat on my stomach in the dusty front yard and it hurt.

When I looked over at where Sam was propped up against the table leg, his face looked a little sadder than usual.

“Try again, why don’t you?”

Nah, I guess I got the instructions wrong. I’ll just wait until Dad gets back and pay better attention the next time. Only – Mom seems kind of funny whenever I ask her when Dad is coming back. It’s probably because she’s always working….she works all the time now that Dad’s gone – I guess it’s good that she got that animated comics project – but whenever I try to talk about Dad she just draws his face on one of the bad guys in her comic and says she doesn’t know when he will be back……

“If ever….”

Huh?

“If ever. Your mom always says that at the end of your question.”

Does not. And how would YOU know anyways, Sam?

“Because you always carry me in there with you.”

I don’t know why, but I grabbed Sam and stuffed him down the front of my shirt behind the magic artifact stuff. Then I climbed the corner post to the porch roof and jumped right off the edge hollering my Dad’s name.

We flew out over the yard before we came crashing down and smashed Sam’s face into the dirt. We flew – I swear we flew!

But Sam was never the same again.